A Good Answer

How do you respond when somebody asks why you aren't married yet? Its an awkward--and rather inappropriate--question in the first place. But its a question people tend to ask after you've reached a certain age in the Mormon community. According to a recent story I heard, Sister Dew once responded with, "Nobody asked me."

And I think I'll go with that from now on. Its honest, forthright, and definitely puts the blame on somebody else. Win-Win-Win.

Good News Minute

Has anyone else noticed how awkward the weekly Good News Minute (GNM) can be in a Single's Ward? I'm personally a big fan of the concept--the minute, not the awkward. Human nature in this day and age seems to dictate that we be pessimistic and cynical 24/7, so its a good habit to attend to the "Good News" of life as often as possible.

A car purchase, or a new job, or the finishing of Finals--all these I can handle. Props to you for recognizing the good in your life!! But sitting in a Singles Ward Relief Society occasionally brings out a variety of awkward comments you have to deal with as well.

Yes, it may be good news in your world that you had a date last weekend. However, making it your contribution to the GNM suggests this sort of event is quite out of the ordinary, making you seem pathetic and then we feel bad for you.

Or how about the Good News that isn't actually your own? You hear a lot of "My sister is having a baby!" and the like. I do have a nephew and I appreciate the joy of new additions to the family. But when sisters share about nieces/nephews during the GNM, I can't help but think, "Well that's all well and good, but isn't anything good happening for YOU?"

Finally, I take issue with Engagement Announcements during the GNM. Don't misunderstand--that is definitely GOOD NEWS. It fits all the criteria for something to be shared during GNM. My issue is how engagement news trumps all others. Suddenly your new car, new twin nieces, or upcoming trip across Europe...are nothing. No matter what you do, or what you achieve or what you come up with--you will not reach the grand heights this sister has. She has touched the Holy Grail of Good News, and there is no way you can compete with that.

Still, we keep on trying. All those awkward date announcements have got to be worth something in the end, right?

As Seen on the Internet!

This seems an appropriate video to share here. Sort of long, but worth it.
Elna Baker, I salute you.

Drawing the Line

I completely understand that attending a singles ward means that marriage will be a major ward goal—if not THE ward goal. The leadership wants to get the ward members dating and engaging and marrying. And heck—I’m all for it myself. I think its great to have lots of ward activities that allow men and women to get to know each other better and spend time together.

But sometimes these activities can go a bit too far. At the risk of sounding like a witch, I have to draw the line somewhere—since the planners of such activities so rarely will.

The activities I speak of are those that are, frankly, asinine in nature. They require you to randomly pair up with a complete stranger and spend the entire evening together. This might be done by throwing a shoe into a pile, picking out another shoe, and finding its owner (ala Cinderella) or getting a sticker and having to find the matching sticker on a member of the opposite sex.

Dumb.

The planners of such occasions are so focused on the goal of marriage that they lose sight of common sense. I feel safe in saying that approximately half of the men in any given Singles ward could be labeled as “creepy,” “socially inept,” or even “smelly.” Why would I want to leave it to random chance to be hooked up with that? I don’t. And I won’t.

I don’t think being single means I have to subject myself to cruel and unusual modes of meeting men. If Elder Oaks says online dating is unnecessary (and he does), my personal corollary is “Random Pairings-off of singles at the behest of ward leaders is also unnecessary.” And I stand by that.

The Other Side of the Fence

Married friend: “Oh, I wish I could spend the summer traveling to exotic places.”

Me: “Really? I wish I could have sex.”

Points to me.

These Days

“IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.” --Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

With apologies to Jane Austen, it is also a truth rarely acknowledged, that a single woman in possession of a good fortune must live all her life in want of a husband.

Because single men find women of good fortune intimidating.

“I graduated in 2006.”
“I own my own house.”
“I’m the human resources director.”

Single women learn quickly that such comments can be a death sentence to a blossoming romance.

We like to fool ourselves into thinking the 21st century has made us more enlightened. Women can ask men out and feminism rules and all that rhetoric. HA! Lies. The truth of the matter is we are still very much living with Victorian ideas of what women should be. Men want women who will rely on them and look up to their manly power and chivalrous ways and sit at home on weekends just dreaming that he would call. They want to be in control of a relationship and they want to be the pursuers. The problem with this situation is single men today, as a general rule, lack the confidence to actually ask women out.

Single women, then, fearing they are going to be single for the rest of their mortal life, get out there and do something. They graduate from college, get a good job, and buy a house. They become women of good fortune, and thus doom themselves to that single life they feared from the beginning.

So what is a single girl to do? Should she purposely keep herself in college for years on end? Stay living at home with the parents? Lie about her age? Today I say no.

The way to end this vicious cycle is for men to grow a pair and ask women out. Be glad the woman has aspirations and has gone far enough in life that she can afford a house and has a career. You should want a woman with a 401K and the ability to help you pay off your student loans. This “ambition” thing? Its attractive. Figure it out.

Family Blogs

Married people love to Blog. I could prove this to you by linking to lots of married people’s Blogs. Let me save us all the trouble of needless Internet wandering and tell you the straight truth. They are numerous; they are everywhere; and they are all of them BORING.

Major topics covered by so-called “Family” Blogs are small in number:
The recent achievements/exploits of children, pictures of children, and crafting projects.

If you find any or all of that thrilling you are probably a married Blogger.

I am looking for Blogs that have witty commentary about society at large. Blogs that poke fun at the guy sitting behind you at the movie theater. Blogs that reminisce about that one time in high school when the streaker ran through the lunchroom right at your best girlfriend. Blogs that discuss where the best French fry in town can be purchased. Blogs with substance.

Here’s the truth of the matter, Married Bloggers:

I don’t care about your kids or that they have learned to roll over.
I don’t need to see pictures of your kids.
I couldn’t care less about the day spent at the park with your kids.
I am bored out of my mind looking at videos of your kid saying “hi”.
I hate the new craft you have created for the nursery.

Until you start to Blog about something interesting, please don’t continue to bombard me—your single friend—with Emails linking me to your Blog. We can still stay connected through Facebook and by avoiding your Blog, I’ll probably like you more.